A stressful upgrade

My old iPad never really recovered from a drop onto the hard flooring of the flat I rent in Nice. He staggered on valiantly but was never quite the same.

I realised with sadness the time had come to replace him. I knew this would be a stressful process.

It first required a visit to the Apple Store. There are those who like the techie buzz of the place. Not me.

I prefer not to be addressed by my first name on first acquaintance; I like calm when I’m shopping; I prefer the traditional lay out of tills and counters.

I was quite specific on my requirements, namely the latest iPad with a big screen. This was shown to me by the eager assistant Melissa, who informed me her partner loved this model for the resolution of his video games. I brought along my old one and Melissa transferred all data. I was then shown to a work table for further instruction where a techie managed to sort out the induction along with helping two other customers simultaneously by darting around the table.

I thought I was done and dusted.

‘Done’ might be the operative word as it was not long before I had to pay for new products from the Apple store which were standard features of the old model. Now I understand the Apple business model. Force people to upgrade continually and then hit them with new charges.

When I got back to base I realised there was no such thing as an operating manual. It took me the best part of the day to work out how to get up the full menu on the screen. There was no longer a button to effect this but instead you had to drag and pause.

When I consulted the Excel section I was informed I now had to pay for Microsoft office to use it. There was no hole for headphones. You guessed it -this requires an adaptor from Apple. The Sonos system did not work at all. The notice referred me to the Sonos controller to remedy this. I was clueless.

Eventually by a process of trial and many errors I could muster the basics but not the separate keyboard I acquired.

There was only one thing for it. I asked my handyman Bryan to come round as to his many qualities he can include competence with this world. However not everyone can afford or knows a Bryan so apparently Apple run a group tuition class. The point has been made by other Rusters that we oldies never master the total functionality of smart phones etc. although this is assumed by all service providers, hence the constant referral to their internet site.