You CAN be serious!

All four regular readers of the sports pages of this esteemed organ will be all too familiar with our two longest-running debating points. However, for visitors from Mars, or indeed those who have erroneously alighted here completely by chance when searching the internet for something else, I list them once again below:

Firstly, the argument over whether the practice of attending great sporting events in the flesh is a superior (in other words, more enjoyable and rewarding) human experience to that of staying at home and watching it live via the generally excellent television coverage provided these days by the world’s leading broadcasters;

Secondly, our contributors’ abiding aversion to the ‘right on’ PC-correctness-driven domination of the airwaves and television channels (partly well-intentioned, it may be admitted, in the context of conscious efforts to increase young girls’ participation in exercise and sport in order to combat the world’s growing obesity crisis) by a relentless and ongoing positive action initiative to raise the profile of elite female sport by giving it equal coverage with that of its male equivalent, thereby hoping that (by such association) it will ultimately gain similar credibility and prominence in the minds of the viewing and listening public.

My text for today is the media interview recently given by former tennis great John McEnroe in the cause of promoting his new memoir entitled But Seriously, in which he suggested that if Serena Williams was to go out and play on the men’s ATP Tour she would rank no more than about 700 in the world – see here for a report by Tom Lutz as is featured today upon the website of – THE GUARDIAN

Today, at the risk of placing myself in the firing line of the derision and bread rolls now incoming from the unwashed hordes of suitably offended and outraged ‘right thinking, but obviously not right-winging’ Hampstead elite-types, let me stand up tall, thrust my right hand into the air and proudly shout “I am Spartacus!” (or should that be “I am McEnroe!) …

Ignoring for a moment the notion being increasingly spread around the world that ‘gender fluidity’ and ‘pan-sexuality’ are the next great fashionable 21^st Century crusades for ‘progressive’ campaigners to espouse, the biological and physiological facts of human existence are that, as regards sporting excellence – and here I’m talking about sports that both sexes play or take part in, rather than those which are traditionally female-specific or female only – it comes with the territory that those ladies who – primarily by genetic inheritance and/or their ability to endure extreme training – are best able to acquire male-like strength, aggression and stamina will also become those most likely to graduate to the winning podium, selection for the top teams and, of course, create new world records of the ‘highest, longest, fastest’ variety.

Let us take a specific example.

Currently the women’s cricket World Cup is taking place in the UK. For the past week in the ‘responsible’ media outlets [step forward, please, to identify yourselves the BBC’s television and radio units] have been trailing and previewing with a carefully-injected sense of mounting excitement the prospects of the host nation’s team.

In the cause of the previously-mentioned ‘importance by association’, the England womens’ team squad now wears modern-sports-outfitted cricket uniforms and baseball caps littered with sponsors’ logos and names.

Their team members being put forward for interviews with the press before the opening game of the competition all appeared to have been on media-training courses, for without exception they gabbled in a droning monotone about how “our bowlers are hopefully going to take advantage of the conditions and put their batters under pressure …” and – after it was over – about how “our bowlers will be disappointed at not putting the ball in the right areas there are clearly things we can work on to improve by the next game against Pakistan on Tuesday and of course with six more round-robin matches to go we still have plenty of time to build some momentum and come good towards the business end of the tournament … [draws breath, and carries on ad infinitum] …”

The trouble is that, having presented the onlooking television audience with a distinctly average quality match – and a 35 run loss – in front of (I thought I saw one estimate somewhere) a crowd of less than 2,500 souls, it – the advancement of female sport in the eyes of the general public – just isn’t working, folks. Not even when every sports bulletin on Radio Five Live is broken into with a “… and now we’re going over to Derby for the latest on the women’s cricket …” segment whose entire ability to generate listener interest is bound up in the sheer novelty of it.

As had been suggested on this website previously more than once, if women want proper equality in tennis (and not just equality in terms of prize money which, of course, in complete defiance of straightforward common sense they’ve already got) they should begin by playing ‘the best of five sets’ in major tournaments – and then, by 2025, disband women’s tennis altogether and promote the cause of global tennis tournaments in which gender plays no part in qualification.

That would be true equality. But, of course, they’re not interested in that.

What the ‘right-one’ brigade really want is a legislated equality of publicity, media coverage, prize money and sponsors’ income for both men and women in all sports … irrespective of whether the female version of it offers inferior – or indeed no – quality at all.

Serena Williams is a truly great athlete – one of the greatest female tennis players of all time – but she’s also a realist.

She knows that there’s no comparison or equality to be between male and female tennis players. And is happy to admit it.

So am I.