Today is the second anniversary of my father’s passing. At a party given by Nancy Bright Thompson I met a close friend of Polly, Grania. She is a councillor for Samaritans and told me that a common call is from a bereaved who feels he/she is out of time and does not feel able to raise the subject of grief. There is and shouldn’t be any time limit. Your mind can be alerted by a memory out of the blue but anniversaries of birthdays, wedding anniversaries and passing tend to trigger and concentrate one’s emotions.
I recall my father’s struggle with pneumonia after a decision was made to force feed as his method of ingestion through a nasal tube could not be permanent. On the Monday at about 2-30 the hospital called with ‘the news ‘and I duly notified my brother. My brother dealt with burial arrangements and then we had the long haul of winding up his estate, still not completed.
Passing at 90 years old, my father was not taken before his time and he, his family, friends and patients can look back over a full life, well led. Generally my brother and I dealt with the issues satisfactorily and always in unison. My brother was fortified by his Jewish faith, me more by my own memories of a subtle, gentle man of whom I never heard a bad word spoken. I liked the assessment of his financial advisor who said that he knew him for 16 years and normally you find something you don’t like, some fault, but my father was unique as he never did or could. It’s that type of praise and the values and standards that my father possessed which would encompass not mourning for him that will get me through the day.