Articles by Alan Tanner

About Alan Tanner

After a distinguished military service in the Catering Corps, Alan Tanner did well in mufti with his chamois as a window cleaner. Sadly he had to retire after falling from the fifth floor of Danny Murphy's mock Tudor home. He spends his retirement watching and writing about his beloved Fulham whom he has supported for over 50 years. The Alan Tanner Report is sponsored by Tanner Crystal Clear Ltd, Window Cleaners to the Gentry. More Posts

The Tanner Report: Preston NE 1 Fulham 1

This was our second successive draw and a lacklustre performance. After taking a first half lead when defender Tim Ream converted Jean Michel Seri’s free kick from close in we gradually lost our grip on the game. Preston’s equaliser came after two handballs assisted the ball in to the net but [...]

November 28, 2021 // 0 Comments

THE TANNER REPORT: Fulham 0 Derby County 0

I do not normally begin my report by praising the opposition but in this case it’s warranted. Derby’s response to a 21 point deduction that consigned them to the bottom of the Championship was to take 4 points from Bournemouth and ourselves at the other end of the table. This draw was [...]

November 25, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 4 Barnsley 1

Having had to endure the journey from hell from the coast I deserved this sparkling performance. First class became cattle class as all the seats were taken by disgruntled passengers in a train of few carriages that became standing room only- so much for any social distancing. Clapham Junction, the [...]

November 21, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Blackburn Rovers 0 Fulham 7

53 years ago, in the days when there were neither internet nor mobile, the score line Halifax Town 0 Fulham 8 was announced on the radio. I had to check the score with a mate. It remains Fulham’s biggest away victory though we put 10 past Ipswich Town on Boxing day 1963 at Craven Cottage. I [...]

November 4, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 3 WBA 0

For the second consecutive match Fulham won albeit unconvincingly. Alex Mitrovic scored a hat-trick but the first was from a soft penalty, the second after sloppy defending and the third a tap-in after a brilliant dribble from Harry Wilson. Whilst our fans tend to moan about penalties given against [...]

October 31, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Nottingham Forest 0 Fulham 4

Although this was an emphatic win against an in form , resurgent team before a crowd of 27,400 it was not a vintage Fulham performance. All 4 goals had a measure of luck and poor defending. The first was an own goal, for the second the Forest defender placed the ball directly into the path of Alex [...]

October 25, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 2 Cardiff 0

This was a necessary and satisfactory win though not an inspiring one. Necessary as Scott Parker’s Bournemouth were beginning to pull away at the top of the Championship after their victory at Stoke. With WBA and Coventry losing Fulham go clear second. The game will be remembered for the [...]

October 21, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 4 QPR 1

I’m preparing this report with one eye on Brentford v Chelsea. Time was when the West London bragging rights were contested by QPR and Chelsea and in the last 20 years Fulham and Chelsea yet never Brentford but – fair play to the Bees – they deserved promotion and have started well in [...]

October 16, 2021 // 0 Comments

Honouring Roy Hodgson

Last night I attended a soccer dinner for Roy Hodgson. Two things struck me immediately: he was worth honouring and he would be the last person to do so. By his own admission a modest player, he went to South Africa and returned with his wife from there Sheila, achieving success in Malmö. Except [...]

October 7, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 3 Swansea 1

Fulham got back to winning ways after a run of 1 point in 3 games with an emphatic home win over Swansea. As the defeats to Blackpool and then Reading reminded us, there is no place for complacency and like these two teams Swansea were in the Premiership not so long ago. Alex Mitrovic was the star [...]

September 30, 2021 // 0 Comments

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My art week

December 3, 2021 // 0 Comments

I have just finished Art of the Extreme 1905-1915 by Philip Hook the ex-Director of Impressionism and Modern Art at Sothebys. His background is sales. He writes well. He is [...]
Not just a matter of self-identification

December 3, 2021 // 0 Comments

Many of those who contribute to this organ take pride in the Rust‘s long and healthy record of pointing out both the oddities and absurdities of modern 21st Century [...]
West Ham 1 Brighton 1

December 2, 2021 // 0 Comments

The Seagulls maintained their unbeaten record against the Hammers in their second consecutive draw. They left it rather late – and had only 10 players on the pitch [...]
It’s all about a load of hot air …

December 2, 2021 // 0 Comments

Now some two months into my new life living on the south coast of England, I have been learning much – in my terminally technologically illiterate way – about the [...]
Duck into the bouncer, Doug!

December 1, 2021 // 0 Comments

In 1993 I was on the beach at Bridgetown Barbados facing a skinny 11 year old with a mean bouncer. At the other end was my friend Wayne Daniel who advised me to “duck into [...]