Moses leaves the EU

I wished my brother a Happy Passover and he informed me of a topical subject he had covered in an article for his synagogue magazine. In my opinion it merits the wider platform of the National Rust …

Moses plans exit from the Egyptian Union( EU)

In a rare interview with your special correspondent, Moses, he declined to give his surname, spoke to me as leader of the Let My People Go (#LMPG) party.

Many of my members work in the construction industry in Egypt and we are not at all happy with our working conditions. We feel that we would be better out of Egypt (Xit) rather than remaining in. He gave me several reasons:

We feel strangers in this land;

We are not allowed to be employers;

The work is quite frankly back-breaking and contravenes most of the country’s H & S laws;

When we go to purchase building bricks and cement we are told by the wholesalers to make our own material, which will fail all the numerous EU regulations to which we have to adhere. Furthermore the locals are dealing in Real Estate and are making massive profits in Pyramid selling and we are receiving little benefit. I Intend to carry out a referendum and if the result supports Xit then we shall leave en mass shortly after 14th Nissan. Obviously there must be an element of surprise and our logistical team are working on this. If they support Xit I shall personally lead them to a land flowing with milk and honey where they will live at peace with another and with their neighbours. I shall lead them to a new Jerusalem. (This promise will no doubt be picked up by politicians in the future.)

A spokesman for the Government News Sheet, Papyrus Today, Mr Dee Nial said that he had heard about this and in fact they were wrong to go and would be better off to remain in.

He cited good living conditions, Goshen was in a Free Enterprise zone which the EU government gives many grants and subsidies. Mr Nial said that Moses was trying to scare people by threatening the land with pestilence, boils frogs, changes the name of the Nile to the Corbyn (red) and even worse things. We have consulted with our astrologers who have received high star rankings and they have informed the government that these are empty threats that will come to nothing. Anyway if they did try to leave we would pursue them and they would be trapped by the Red Sea.

Does Mr Moses intend to divide the sea, how does he intend to feed them, drop food in from the heavens or give them loaves and fishes?” (I’m saving this one for later- he joked).

I was later contacted by Prof Essy from the University of The Nile, Department of Astrology, who told me that this would never work. The Jews have short memories and within a few weeks when they are back in Egypt the whole episode will have been forgotten and not talked about in the early hours of a week day over symbolic food and where the women folk will have been slaving for days at a time even going to lengths to change all their eating utensils to narrate this. Mark my words the whole thing will Pass Over.