The way ahead

Writing as a senior citizen who likes to think – probably erroneously – that he keeps up to date with what is happening in the world via his television-watching and internet-browsing, I was pleased this week to be given new confidence about the future by two media reports.

The first was about a new study of 4,000 men just published by the University of Texas which demonstrated that those who drink at least two cups of coffee per day are 42% less likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction that those who don’t drink coffee at all, probably because caffeine seems to trigger increased blood flow to the penis by relaxing the relevant muscles.

My joy at learning this was tempered slightly by the supplementary discovery that a third cup of coffee per day reduced the percentage of men benefitting to just 39%. Meanwhile a degree of confusion began to set in when reference was made to a separate previous 2006 Southwest University (Texas) study in which it was concluded that coffee can increase sex drive in women – but only in those that don’t normally drink it.

Meanwhile a third, unconnected, historical study had shown that drinking three to five cups of coffee per day can reduce the chances of heart disease and strokes – but that four or more cups a day can tend to promote restlessness, tremors, irritability, insomnia and stomach pain.

But enough of coffee, temporarily.

Separately, we learned this week, via a new study by Lancaster and Manchester Metropolitan Universities, that these days more women than ever are paying for sex.

I think I can see a possible way forward here for gentlemen in a similar position to mine, i.e. those who of a certain age who drink the equivalent of between eight to ten cups of expresso coffee per day … are sex-starved … and who are broadly seeking to find ways to generate more income, the better to eke out their existence when our pensions and savings seem (exponentially) to be going less and less far in the current economic climate.

Next week I shall be contacting my tame web-server man regarding a project to develop a website dating site and business.

By signing up to it, attractive and lively ladies of taste and discernment will be able to meet a man of advancing years living in south-west London – still possessed of (some of) his own teeth and hair – with whom to drink coffee and have guilt-free sexual relations for a fee not unadjacent to £500 per hour.

Which gainsayer was it who said that the spirit of resourceful enterprise was dead in the UK?