Hancock’s half hour
The ridiculous controversy over Secretary of State for Health and Social Care Matt Hancock’s highly ambitious announcement that the Government would be doing 100,000 coronavirus tests per day by 30th April – and specifically as to whether the Government had achieved its target or not when the figures were eventually announced yesterday – simply goes to highlight (with bells and whistles attached) the absurdity of the way the UK’s pathetic and incestuous political and media circus goes about its business.
Let’s address the fundamentals:
Every Government (and also every national public service, local administration and/or business corporation) wants the public to applaud everything good it does; to deny, deflect, rebut or even bury every example of its incompetence, negligence, stupidity, lack of foresight and cock-up that occurs and/or is exposed; and generally to present a ‘narrative’ of everything that is happening in every area of life for which it is responsible that gives the impression that everything is normal and proceeding according to plan.
To this end it puts out streams of press statements, submits itself to press conference questions & answer sessions, and offers its executives for television and radio interviews to peddle “the facts” … er … sorry … “the facts as it would like them to be” together with, if necessary, a litany of politico-speak blusterings that hopefully deals with any negative matters or criticisms that are ever raised.
Meanwhile, what I shall term here as “Fleet Street’s finest” [I leave Rusters to decide for themselves whether this description is ironic, sarcastic or neutral] are in the game – as are Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition – of holding the Government’s “feet to the fire” by challenging, investigating and researching what is going on with a view to finding any flaw in the Government’s reporting of what is happening (er … sorry … “propaganda and/or fake news”) and thereby embarrass it and indeed its ministers for two reasons (1) because in a democracy such scrutiny is required and a positive thing; and (2) they need something with which to beat the Government over the head and thereby create a news story for each new day and thereby … hopefully … gain more public attention, approval, possibly political gain (and indeed ultimately maybe also sales/turnover/profit for those who employ them).
So here’s what happened:
With everything that was going on, the Government had been floundering somewhat in terms of not having prepared properly for the arrival of a vicious pandemic (despite whatever warnings, war games and planning had been carried out over the years) and having to play “catch up”.
Desperate to demonstrate that it was in control and dealing properly with the virus, poor Mr Hancock either dreamed up – and/or was handed a very small short straw and told to “get on with” – the task of deflecting the public uproar over the lack of progress in supplying PPE to the front line and getting up to speed on “testing” which (most people agreed) was one excellent way of getting the world out of this particular black hole.
Here’s how the ’game’ unfolded.
Amidst its brave “We and our brilliant NHS/scientists/medical officers are working night and day to deal with the lack of PPE [add your own favourite crises/failings of the moment]” mantra being loyally trotted out by ministers at every opportunity – an alternative description might be ‘blind panic’ – ideally the Government would have wished to say nothing and certainly give out no commitments or targets, not least to prevent the public from gaining the impression that the end of the world was nigh – and meanwhile in the short term just do as it was told.
Elsewhere the Opposition and media were ramping up the rhetoric that the Government was floundering and demanding a date by which its all-too-apparent shortcomings would be “sorted”.
And so Mr Hancock, as a means of blocking the ‘incoming’ from all sides, eventually came up with his “100,000 tests per day by 30th April” statement/aspiration.
It was no more or less than a slab of meat thrown out the back of the metaphorical lorry in order to temporarily satisfy the chasing wolves gaining ground upon him, a hostage to fortune that was inevitably going to come back and bite him on the backside. He might have said “30th June”, “30th September” or even “30th November” but the effect would have been the same.
It was a date by which the Government could be judged and – from the moment it was made public – those in the business of keeping the Government up to the mark used it as a self-imposed absolute that Mr Hancock would be responsible for. Failure to meet his foolhardy ‘guarantee’ would necessarily result in abject failure for the Government and – just as exciting – almost certainly the spectacle of his resignation. Yipee!
(This story could run and run – and duly did as each 24 hours passed and the deadline day approached).
In the end, annoyingly for the ‘wolves’, the Government ‘made’ good.
Or did it?
Were the figures massaged, or made up, or fudged?
Because it apparently achieved its target, the disappointed but still suspicious wolves are now sifting through the entrails trying to discover how the hell the Government managed it.
Nobody is satisfied.
Ah well, it was fun whilst it lasted.
Anyway. Here’s to the next crisis/supposed or real cock-up …
