Watching the Masters

Unlike my distinguished co-writer I always intended to watch till the bitter end but this just like any pro’s preparation for the Masters requires attention to detail and experience. BBC were covering this year so no tedious ads breaks for betting but crucially no 2 minutes for comfort relief, domestic chores and re-fuelling. I normally am in bed by 10 pm so I had to find another 3 hours wake time. This was resolved by extending my siesta to 3 hours. I also did not sit down in earnest till 8pm. This time my daughter Ally ‘s partner Ryan, the assistant and golf shop pro at Moor Allerton, was down which meant I would have his expert analysis. After winning the Monthly Medal you might have thought he was a 18 times major winner. Things got off to a poor start when he assumed the seat of our cat, Johnny Miller, a keen golf watcher, and I suggested he moved his lie with 2 penalty shots.

I was delighted to hear Peter Alliss commentating. He is not he most PC but his image of the bore in the spike room bar is more than outweighed by his deep knowledge, rich voice and bringing the event into your drawing room. We did not have to wait long for the first Alllissism. He was clearly bored to read out the stats prepared for him and concluded: “And if my uncle had other accoutrements, he would be my auntie“.

Hazel Irvine fronted it up well, she had done her homework but was slightly statistically over-enthused. Ken Brown did the Wayne Riley buffoon role on course with his analysis of the greens.

My money was on Justin and it was secure once he achieved his fifth place so I did not begrudge the toothy Spaniard his first major. I know great players have not won majors and moderate ones have but one of the former, Lee Westwood, clearly has not got over his lack of one so it was worthy Garcia achieved his first on Seve’s birthday.