Far less than its billing …

For my sins, dear reader, yesterday I deliberately sat down at 9.30am in order to watch Dominic Cummings’ appearance before the joint inquiry of the Health and Social Care Committee and Science and Technology Committee at the House of Commons.

Before doing so I went out for a brief “breath of fresh air” walk and was somewhat surprised when – having been rung by a girlfriend for a general catch-up chat – she immediately berated me for five minutes’ flat when I announced my intention.

Her grounds for doing so were rooted in her belief that Cummings is not only an evil snake and deeply unpleasant shit but someone who wouldn’t recognise the principles of truth and integrity if they turned into a Scottish salmon and slapped him around the face in an echo of the famous Monty Python sketch – see here – MONTY PYTHON

Life never ceases to amaze.

Although I can appreciate that to many both inside and outside the Westminster “bubble” the former adviser to Boris Johnson is an untrustworthy “Marmite” figure, my interest in watching him give his evidence ‘in real time’ was the prospect that it might prove an explosive, dramatic and ultimately historic event and therefore far more entertaining than viewing a potpourri fly-past of the supposed highlights and “post-match analysis” on the BBC1’s Six O’ Clock News bulletin last night.

I have to report that I managed to watch just forty minutes of this “live theatre” performance before deciding that my time yesterday could be better spent putting clothes into the washing machine, doing the washing up … or even perhaps hoovering my drawing room … indeed anything but continue watching it.

It is a fact of life that, generally-speaking, people tend to end up in careers or walks of life to which they are in some way suited.

It wasn’t the case, but could have been, that I might have liked to have been a classical music concert lead violinist. My only problems with achieving such a worthy ambition were that I possessed neither the musical talent nor the necessary training and application (still less a violin).

When it comes to politics, some people are naturally drawn to this walk of life which would have the bulk of us running for the hills.

Some hold that you get the politicians you deserve but – more accurately – the public never get more as their political representatives than one of the minority of people in the country who wake up one day and decided they’d desperately like to get into politics and become an MP.

By definition – general-speaking – the electorate only ever gets the chance to vote for the candidates that the main parties have chosen to “put up” for election.

Some of these might be potentially excellent statesman and/or ministers of state (the bulk of them will be average or worse) but – the bottom line is – whichever of those options they turn out to be is more a matter of random chance than anything else.

When it comes to “making a difference” – the standard stated ambition of everyone considering entering the world of politics – people like Dominic Cummings (who’d be hopeless if they ever went into politics-proper, successfully stood for election and then achieved high office of any description) always end up being “behind the scenes” operators seeking to influence the course of events by scheming, planning and hopefully “manipulating” election campaigns and results – but also “issues of the moment” – in order to achieve the goals of those who have employed them. Because they’re far better suited to that.

For me, the most depressing aspect of Cummings’ appearance at the House of Commons yesterday was the extent to which it went to confirm that everything (good and bad) that the media has ever said about Cummings and his modus operandi – including his Machiavellian untrustworthiness and arrogant, chippy, approach always combined with a faux humble “I’m not special” attitude – is pretty close to the truth.

Which, worryingly to my mind, then only went to increase the likelihood that the media’s general view of Boris – viz. that, though intelligent and in a blokey manner “clubbable”, he possesses but the concentration span of a gnat and is also terminally self-centred, lazy, devoid of self-discipline, slapdash, chaotic, incapable of commanding detail and, to all intents and purposes, generally hopeless when measured against the key qualities that any intelligent individual would list as those required of a Prime Minister or statesman – is also “right on the money”.

In the end, for me, Cummings’ performance yesterday almost certainly reduced him more in the public’s estimation the longer it went on.

I fear he came across exactly as I would if ever I were asked to appear before a House of Commons committee to tell my side of what it was like to work for any organisation I was ever employed by. Given the opportunity to pontificate upon those I worked with – and/or reported to – I’m convinced that I’d have “presented” as being no less shifty and unimpressive as Cummings did yesterday.

And he went on for seven hours!

Sometimes some people should be careful what they wish for.