Fantasy legislation

When I was at uni, I played a silly but amusing game with a friend in which we passed legislation in our imaginary country.

Thus one day I suggested an act making prostitution compulsory.

My friend thought it needed modification in committee stage.

After a lengthy meeting in the tea room of the library where we studied, his solution was to decriminalise the act.

Mine was we would have bars in the port where a blind policing eye was shown to platonic couples who could meet, discuss whatever such couples discuss but with persistent cases they would be sent to a re-education course called TWAT (Tarts and Whores Awareness Treatment)

Whilst taking my afternoon constitutional yesterday on the Undercliffs to Rottingdean this fantasy returned to me.

I like on such walks for my mind to roam over the years and blessed with a total recall memory (I recently recalled a conversation of September 1976 with an astonished friend) it’s an interesting and productive exercise.

My roaming was disturbed by two things.

Firstly cyclists, who do not have priority, were riding often two abreast as if competing in a sprint stage of the Tour de France, forcing us walkers to the side.

Secondly, mobile phone users were blaring loudly in their  phones in conversations of unimaginable tedium.

Here we were, calm sea to the right, cliffs to the left, alone with nature and all these people can do is disturb the peacefulness with their asinine calling.

One fellow who seemed not to have heard of social distancing actually walked ahead of me on his phone and then turned round to walk towards me.

I took evasive action nearly getting mowed down by the cyclists.

I could have been the the man who in the time of Contravirus was struck  down by a cyclist!

I therefore drafted legislation making irresponsible cycling and insensitive mobile use capital offences.