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Fending off the inevitable

When you’re a Ruster of a certain age – which arguably we all are – you sometimes have to take shelter behind the slightest suggestion you unearth that you may not be “slipping off the pace” and/or otherwise becoming generally redundant and therefore in need of being placed in the metaphorical holding box marked “Irrelevant” pending the moment, fast approaching over the horizon in some people’s minds, when you need to be dispatched on your one-way journey to a retirement home.

In which context today I wished to mention that towards the end of last week (to be precise on Thursday 28th January) I came across a report by Fiona MacRae in The Times upon a new Edinburgh University study conducted by neuropsychiatrist Laura McWhirter – just reported in the journal CNS Spectrums – which appeared to demonstrate that memory problems are neither solely the preserve of oldies nor necessarily a classic first sign of the onset of dementia.

[I should perhaps add here the caveat that historically on this esteemed organ our contributors have been somewhat wary of “scientific” research and/or surveys from which novel and sometimes radical and/or far-reaching conclusions are drawn, especially when – to the ordinary Joe in the street – the research concerned seemed to involve relatively few case studies or volunteer participants.

Not to put a too cynical spin upon the issue, it sometimes seems as if – in seeking to justify their existence and/or make their name – some of those researching what one might describe as more esoteric topics first invent a note-worthy headline (that will hopefully prompt a degree of notoriety in media circles) and then go away to create or “uncover” research evidence that justifies the finding.]

Some might think that I might be digressing pausing to make this point, but here I will mention that the Edinburgh University project I am referencing today involved a study comprised of just 124 healthy individuals between the ages of 18 and 59 (average age 27).

Here are some of its findings:

Only 13% rated their memory as excellent.

39% rated their memory as worse than five years ago.

24% felt their memory was worse than that of others of a similar age.

56% were scared of developing dementia and 13% said they were “very afraid”.

50% reckoned that they forgot why they had entered a room at least once a week.

40% estimated they mislaid their mobile phone at least once a week. (In fact 17% testified they did so numerous times per week).

48% said they forgot to buy at least one item on their shopping list at least once a week.

21% could not find their keys at least once a week.

18% admitted to having had a mental blank over their own PIN number.

33% could not remember where they had left their car or bike at least once a month or more.

Despite all of the above, the study alleged found that such memory lapses were just as common among participants in their twenties as among those in their fifties.

Doctor MacWhirter believes that to an extent all these findings show is that memory lapses are actually no more a product of how the human brain works.

“You can get up and have your breakfast and drive to work and later not remember driving to work and that’s not abnormal. It’s just that your attention wasn’t really focused on the driving because you were on autopilot.”

James Goodwin, a physiotherapist at Loughborough University and director of the Brain Health Network, added that “Although it is harder to form new memories as we get older, forgetting things doesn’t necessarily mean we are on the road to dementia.”

Tellingly, I feel, Doctor MacWhirter also commented that, although someone in the early stages of dementia would have memory lapses, they would tend to be unaware of them!

Conversely, a healthy person would be able to remember that they had forgotten their keys last week.

Tapping out this post out today as someone who always drives carefully and proficiently but who for decades has been deliberately and unfairly singled out for persecution by the motoring authorities – I am currently in possession of 9 points for speeding offences and now, having been recently pinged by the Gestapo for going 36mph in a 30mph zone, in clear and present danger of losing my licence for a second time – I find some of these Edinburgh University findings not only comforting but also possibly helpful.

Delusional as it may seem, I believe I am alighting upon the beginnings of a viable defence – or should that be “plea in mitigation”?) – if and when I come up before the beak facing the prospect of having to surrender my driving licence.

It runs approximately thus:

Although fast approaching my eighth decade, I still retain the faculties (including memory) of a twentysomething.

This is why, when driving upon the roads of Britain in furtherance of my daily business – [for present purposes let us ignore the fact that the UK is currently operating under Covid-19 “Lockdown 3” and nobody should be going about their “daily business”, it should be “essential travel only”] – my brain isn’t really focused on my driving (or indeed any road signs allegedly imposing speed limits) because I am on autopilot.

As a result, when dealing with the first part of my Police summons for the above-mentioned alleged speeding offence – in which I am merely asked to confirm whether or not I was the driver of the vehicle in question at the time (allegedly photographed by a camera) … and, if it was not me, provide information as to who it might have been – I will be able to cite the same reason for responding honestly that I cannot remember.

Who can claim that we oldies are “off the pace” when we can come up with reasoning such as this?!

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About Martin Roberts

A former motoring journalist, Martin lists amongst his greatest achievements giving up smoking. Three times. He holds to the view that growing old is not for the faint-hearted. More Posts