International cross cultural relationships – do they ever work?
In the week I had a drink with a Thai lady of my acquaintance. Although she did not know this it was in the context of various discussions and debates I have had with Bob Tickler, his p/a Polly and her best friend Grania over men who take Thai brides. Bob took the view that Thai women were neither exploited nor disingenuous but out to hook a Farang (westerner) for mercenary and residency motives. The ever compassionate Polly said these women do not flourish in the west. They miss their family, hate the cold, take time to learn the language and do not adapt. The only conclusion reached is that these relationships rarely work.
My friend followed this well worn path. She left her Thai village to “go south” a euphemism to work in a club in Bangkok. There she met first a Dane with whom she had a 5 year relationship then an Englishman from Hove whom she married and had a child now aged 10.
They are divorced, she walking out on him and claiming no maintenance. However she enjoys a close relationship with her mother-in-law who is devoted to her grandchild and supportive of the two. Although like most Thai women she smiles a lot and is giggly, she admitted to a certain sadness.
She works very hard ,a seven day week , and hoped to meet a man but “they only want one thing”. This reminded me of possibly the best examination of cross cultural relationships West Side Story and the comment of Anita on her sister’s Maria’s relationship with Tony
“A man like that wants one thing only
And when he has it he will leave you lonely
Stick to your own kind“
Thai attitude to women, which is basically they are subservient, does lead to sexploitation and grooming. It is common for a wealthy Thai politician and businessman to take a young mistress, a Mia noi (minor wife) but there are certain protocols to be observed.
First wives get a chauffeur driven Mercedes, Mia noi a BMW they drive themselves in Armani shades dressed in Versace. Mia noi go to discreet dinners and weekends away but never attend official functions. On a lower level prostitution is big business. It is estimated that Thailand has somewhere between 120,000 and two million sex workers and 60,000 brothels. Both the police and families seem to be complicit in keeping the industry going. New laws have been passed with the age of consent set at 18 and prosecution for parents who sell their daughters into prostitution but it is so ingrained into the Thai way of life that it would require a national change of attitude.
There is view that marriage is hard enough between couples of the same background and a cross cultural, national or religious difference only adds to the difficulty. Even in a conversation of an hour or so wiht my friend there were linguistic problems and I had difficulty in getting my meaning over or to comprehend my friend: I realised “leerax” meant “relax” for example. This is the point I made to Bob, Grania and Polly. The type of discussion we have had and rather enjoy does need the testimony of a Thai woman but the problem is could she articulate her case?
