Just in

It’s come to this

Gawd have mercy upon me for returning to this subject because everyone I know is fed up to the back teeth with the whole kaboosh and – based upon the weekend’s airwaves and media generally – everything about it seems still completely upon in the air, totally confused and showing all the signs of becoming interminable.


Every dark cloud has a silver lining and overnight I’ve come up with a whizzo idea (starting with the most obvious but legally protected across all media formats with all rights reserved), viz. Brexit – The Board Game, which is going to become a global phenomenon and provide me and my loved ones financial security for time immemorial.

In the British version you begin with a map of the world – not dissimilar to that of the board game Risk we all used to play back in the 1980s– and in the first stage the players have to negotiate themselves out of the EU by whatever means they strategically decide. That could take each of them about an hour – or indeed less, depending upon which option they choose.

Once (if ever) the players had achieved that, they then move to Stage 2, in which they then have to make their way in the world.

They can do this by a variety of means.

For exanple, by negotiating trade deals – that is, if they have retained the right to do so and assuming that they haven’t, as a strategy, instead opted to remain in the EU; by exploiting the future trade agreements and commercial alliances they manage to seal, or by developing the future of Britain without any (if that is their choice); by building up their military and invading other countries; war; by entering arrangements with multi-national internet/media giants such as Google, Facebook, Amazon and eBay [here you can add others ad nauseam to suit]; or, having decided they’ve buggered things up by going for Brexit  all, by negotiating with the EU to be re-admitted as a member.

The winner would be the player that conquers the world.


Those Rust readers who would like to invest in this exciting and potentially highly-profitable project can write to Campion-Brown Global Enterprises Limited at the usual address. The offer closes on Friday 5th April at noon GMT. Terms and Conditions apply.


So, let’s get this straight.

As things stand, Mrs May’s deal – which everyone agrees is an inadequate dog’s breakfast satisfying nobody and which the House of Commons has twice rejected by a record and/or near-record margin – is (the Government says) the only one left on the table.

Nobody in the House of Commons has any plan which can successfully command and then carry a vote in favour by the majority of MPs.

The EU are fed up with Britain and its Brexit.

Given that as I type there are but ten full days left until 29th March, the day upon which the UK is scheduled to depart the UK under Article 50, and therefore – as night follows day – there is insufficient time left to pass all the legislation necessary to arrange an orderly (non no-deal) Brexit, we are either going to ‘crash out’ with a no deal or – alternatively – have seek and hopefully agree with the 27 EU countries an extension to the Article 50 period on whatever terms the EU might impose, there is every likelihood of infinite stress, complication and uncertainty to yet to come, the only conclusions to reach this morning is that our politicians are inadequate to the situation and that the UK is in a hell of a mess.

I’m now off to the caff around the corner for my breakfast of a full English cooked, a large black coffee and two Viagra pills …






About Simon Campion-Brown

A former lecturer in politics at Keele University, Simon now lives in Oxfordshire. Married with two children, in 2007 he decided to monitor the Westminster village via newspaper and television and has never looked back. More Posts