Stop the tartan tail wagging the dog!

Thank God that Nicola Sturgeon has crawled out from under the skirting board and declared her intention to have second referendum on Scottish independence at some point in the autumn of 2018 or spring of 2019, I say!

I’m privileged to announce, after an intense morning on the telephone and some tortuous negotiations over the price during which my friend and colleague Ralph Smith and I nearly came to blows, that my brand new website Get The Jocks Out Now! will be up and running by close of office hours this coming Friday 17th March.

This will provide help, support, a fact-checking facility and and-easy-to-use system to the great English public as they donate funds [minimum donation £100 please] to the stated address provided (somewhere in the British Virgin Islands) in support of my petition on the matter.

Speaking of which, I’m also glad to reveal that said item We Demand A Straightforward ‘Yes/No’ English Referendum On The Question ‘Do You Want To Kick Scotland Out Of The United Kingdom Once And For All?’ And Then Immediate Implementation Thereof In The Event The Answer Is Yes has been accepted in principle. All we need now – in order to get a debate in Parliament upon this vital and clearly beneficial point – is another 99,998 members of the English public to take the trouble to add their details and signature to the form on the official Governmental website – so that we can reach the required qualifying level..

Register your vote now!

I loved the mention made in an article yesterday, in one organ of the media, of a quotation attributed to Mark Twain: “The definition of a gentleman is a man who knows how to play the bagpipes but doesn’t.“

Let’s reclaim this great country of ours, rid ourselves of the vast hordes of jocks filling up our airwaves and television channels, stop subsidising their benefits, beer and fag purchases and – in the worlds of their own turgid national ditty – “send them home again, tae think  again …“

You know it makes sense.