Up and down, or is it the other way around?

One of the semi-taboo and largely unspoken aspects of moving inexorably towards the last third of human life – or perhaps that statement is untrue in these modern ‘let it all hang out’ days of social media confessions ‘going viral’ (if that’s the right term) – is that the oft-joked about and unwelcome accompaniment, viz. the waning of one’s … ahem … sexual powers and/or indeed any general interest in ‘horizontal jogging’ becomes an issue.

In men, judging by the research findings constantly being thrust at us from all quarters, this seems to be prompted by a number of factors including of a gradual but natural decline in muscle mass and testosterone production.

I’m no expert in these things – I can say that because as I type I genuinely cannot recall the last occasion I had sexual intercourse but estimate it was at least a decade ago (it being less a case of me leaving sex behind than the reverse) – but the invention of Viagra, apparently originally discovered an accidental side-effect of a treatment designed to assist people with heart conditions, was at the time hailed as a revolutionary breakthrough for both genders [I suppose these days I should refer to ‘all genders’] almost on a par with that of the contraceptive pill.

Never having taken Viagra myself – I can say that because I have genuinely never had the need to [mind you, that’s not because I’m a Grade A sex god but rather because, as indicated above, it’s been an age since I was last in a situation in which I might have needed it!] – I cannot pronounce upon its effects, beneficial or otherwise.

However, I am aware that within the past couple of weeks it has been announced that it is now possible to acquire it over the counter … rather than only via doctor’s prescription as was previously the case.

I have also seen references in the media over the years to the fact that not a few drug companies have invested tens of millions into trying to develop another ‘Nirvana’-hit/gold mine in the form of a female version of what Viagra can do for men, i.e. a pill that can within moments, or minutes, and without effort render them in the mood for Lurve.

Why not? What’s sauce for the goose should also be sauce for the gander – and vice versa.

However, the reason for my piece today is a report that I happened to come across in the media overnight, simply because it had me contemplating the prospect that at some point in the future I might be in a situation where sexual intercourse was a potential mutually convenient and indeed desired conclusion (say) to an evening spent at dinner and then strolling hand in hand along a beach in some exotic location with – I’m not going to take this fantasy too far away from reality – say a lady in her fifties or early sixties.

[I’m assuming for these purposes that assistance from Viagra in my case – and/or its female equivalent in hers – is out of the question either because neither of us has any with us and/or the local pharmacy shops aren’t open.]

It’s just that I’m having a bit of trouble getting my head around a scene in which, as the topic comes up for serious consideration, yours truly has to whisper the suggestion in the ear of my companion that – in the cause of individual best performance and indeed ultimate mutual enjoyment – we should ‘simply disrobe and get down to it’ in full view of any and all our fellow hotel guests, waiters and passers by …

See here for a link to a report by Joe Gabbatiss, Science Correspondent of – THE INDEPENDENT