Articles by Alan Tanner

About Alan Tanner

After a distinguished military service in the Catering Corps, Alan Tanner did well in mufti with his chamois as a window cleaner. Sadly he had to retire after falling from the fifth floor of Danny Murphy's mock Tudor home. He spends his retirement watching and writing about his beloved Fulham whom he has supported for over 50 years. The Alan Tanner Report is sponsored by Tanner Crystal Clear Ltd, Window Cleaners to the Gentry. More Posts

The Tanner Report: Arsenal 2 Fulham 2

I clean the windows of a successful Fulham-supporting economist who, like many of that ilk, does like his projections and predictions. However football is not an exact science. After Brentford beat (and beat up) Fulham last week few gave us any chance at the Emirates against high-flying Arsenal. [...]

August 27, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Drawing a line in the sand

The Alex Mitrovic saga is now thankfully over with the Serb hitman taking Saudi lucre. He has served Fulham well but you feel he has served himself better. One of the reasons for the popularity of the Lionesses is they seem devoid of the greed of the modern day male footballer. One of the [...]

August 21, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report : Manchester United 2 Fulham 1

Fulham lost a cup tie to Manchester Utd in a game in which Fulham received 3 cards. For shoving the referee Chris Kavanagh, Alex Mitrovic was banned for 8 games. In this game Mitrovic was at the heart of the match-defining incident, this time after Fulham had taken the lead through a Kenny Teté [...]

May 29, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Southampton 0 Fulham 2

Fulham’s defeat of the Saints consigned the latter to the Championship after 11 years in the Premiership. It also sets us on course for our record number of Premiership points and wins. All in all it caps a fine season with 2 games to go. The 8-match ban of Alex Mitrovic and injuries to Tim [...]

May 14, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Liverpool 1 Fulham 0

Fulham have now lost 7 of their last 9 games but this does not tell the whole story as the performances have been competent and the results tight. Last night it took a penalty awarded by the feckless Stuart Attwell – a weak referee – which would not have been awarded outside Anfield to [...]

May 4, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 1 Manchester City 2

For an hour of this game only inspired goalkeeping by Bernd Leno of Fulham prevented a bigger defeat but by the end, with only a one goal margin, City had to close the game out to get the points. Fulham can therefore draw satisfaction from their performance against arguably the best team on the [...]

May 1, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: Fulham 2 Leeds 1

Fulham’s third victory over Leeds this season was a tad unconvincing. There definitely is an air of complacency as the key target of staying up has been achieved coupled with the absence of Alex Mitrovic. One might also add a gutless Leeds side whose performance reminded me of many in [...]

April 23, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report : Everton 1 Fulham 3

There was a certain irony as well as immense satisfaction after Fulham’s away win at Goodson Park. Irony as not so long ago Fulham head coach Marco Silva was sacked by Everton and spoke of seismic club problems at that time. Silva is back at Fulham who have never flirted with relegation whilst [...]

April 16, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report : Bournemouth 2 Fulham 1

This was Fulham’s fourth consecutive defeat in all competitions. There are two explanations for this recent loss of form. The first is the debacle at Old Trafford in the FA Cup when three red cards were brandished in 90 seconds. The second is complacency. The aim of Fulham ‘s season is survival [...]

April 2, 2023 // 0 Comments

The Tanner Report: FA Cup quarter final: Manchester United 3 Fulham 1

Two minutes of madness undid 70 minutes of a professional performance. After 70 minutes Fulham were one up and, if not coasting, looking the likelier side to play Brighton in the semi-finals. At that point I felt confident enough to message Ivan Conway, but then it all unravelled hopelessly. [...]

March 20, 2023 // 0 Comments

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A la Colthard/The Arlington

May 18, 2024 // 0 Comments

As the saying goes: “If it’s not broken, don’t fix it …” The Arlington has the same location, decor and menu as La Caprice – the only difference is the [...]
On the trials and tribulations of modern life

May 17, 2024 // 0 Comments

Yesterday at about 3.00pm in the warm mid-afternoon sunshine – after a relatively sedentary day to that point – my “other half” and I decided to go walking at a local [...]
Beryl Cook

May 15, 2024 // 0 Comments

Many years ago I was at the National Theatre for a play I have long forgot. In the interval I went to their bookshop and came across THE WORKS by Beryl Cook. The cover alone [...]
The Tanner Report: Fulham 0 Manchester City 4

May 13, 2024 // 0 Comments

There is no disgrace in losing to Manchester City even though it was a thumping defeat containing only one Fulham attempt on goal. Nor should this defeat disguise the fact [...]
Exeter Chiefs 58 Harlequins 26

May 13, 2024 // 0 Comments

Maybe it was that gruelling Investec Cup semi -final against Toulouse – or maybe the injury to Caden Murley leading to a reshuffle with Marcus Smith going to full back [...]